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Parent's anger : A bane for their children

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27 Sept 2020

Health as we know is not just being physically fit, mentally fit also accounts in it. A major problem what most children and teenagers face is their angry parent. Being angry on a child's mistake is natural human's tendency but we come across some parents who have a chronic anger issue that is, they are yelling, screaming, steaming, verbally attacking you every now and then. They don't sit and think what impact are they leaving on their children by this. They must deal effectively with their anger, particularly the anger towards their children. The biggest reason parents often become angry with their children is because the child fails to comply with the parent's high expectations. Comparing their children with other's, abusing them for not attending up to the mark is also another reason. Parent's should first learn that not every child is same, they vary with their interests, talents, capacity, perspective, capability and the surrounding in which they are living. Parent's should also learn about keeping normal expectations for children for each age and stage of growth and development. According to research the following appeared true :

  • The effects of parental anger can continue to impact the adult child, by increasing degrees of depression, social alienation, career and economical achievements.

  • Children of angry parents are more aggressive and non complaint.

  • They are less empathetic and have poor overall adjustment.

  • There is a strong relationship between parental anger and delinquency.

The excuses given by parent's for frequently yelling at their kids kids don't listen if I don't yell : Kids are going to listen less when you yell at them. As soon as you begin to raise your voice, you activate their limbic system which is a part of the brain that's responsible for the "flight or fight response". So the result from your kids maybe running away, fight back or freeze up. But…shouting is the only way I get respect from my kids : It may seem like shouting garners respect, but it actually does more harm than good. But...if I don't yell, they won't take me seriously: Yelling generates fear, not respect. So yelling may actually be a form of bullying. It's much cooler to discover who your kid is than to trying to mould them into who you want them to be. But... I can't help it! I just lose my temper sometimes: You can help it, ask yourself this - if you were in the middle of screaming at your kids and someone you really respected (like your boss, relative or someone) suddenly knocked the door, wouldn't you immediately stop the yell-fest? Blowing your top makes kids feel alienated, devalued and distant. Approaching the situation from a calmer angle will create better results without causing emotional damage. But...the damage is done, I've been yelling for years! It's never too late to change your approach. Showing your kids respect can rekindle their sense of self-worth. Respect leads to trust, and trust allows us all to unleash our unlimited human potential. But...if I don't yell, I might spank them : For parent's who have hit their children, it's important to step back and recognize that the way to get anyone to do anything is through respect and communication. When someone feels trusting, they will want to do things for you in a way that you would never be able to get them to do through force.

For kids of a repressive home environment, where negative evolutions are swept under the carpet they find ways to self-harm. Self-injury creates a feel-good feeling and shows a painkiller effect for these kids. When they are in emotional pain, they literally won't feel that pain as much as when they do to themselves under normal conditions. How to control your anger on your children ?

When you get yourself under control, your kids will also usually calm down. Calm is contagious--so as is anxiety.

  • Make a commitment to stay in control.

  • Expect your child to push your buttons, this means expect and accept that your kid is doing their job, they are testing their limits.

  • Know what you are and are not responsible for as a parent.

  • Don't worry about the future.

  • Prepare for your anxiety-notice what triggers your anxiety and try to prepare for it.

  • Take a deep breath before you respond to your child.

  • Visualize a positive relationship with your child.

Dealing with anger is so important to endure a healthy family. Besides un stress, children will feel more safe and have higher self-esteem. Parent's should learn to cope with anger as they have to strive to build healthier and emotionally safe environment in our homes.

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